Doubts come in all shapes and forms, and often spring up from difficult circumstances or unexpected events.  But what do you do when you’re absolutely sure that God has placed you where he wants you, but it isn’t as easy as you had expected?  The following PDF file deals with that question as God challenged me once again to quit toying with a “back up plan.”  Nope, we’re to be here sink or swim, no plan B.  For more information please read Killing Plan B

Marla is in Kenya attending her best friends wedding.  It’s great that she can be there, and I’m having a great time with the girls… though it is a lot harder to do anything else during the day. Thanks for your prayers

posing for Daddy

Been singing "I got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy down in my heart!"

Tucking Samara into bed is one of my favorite times of the day. We both share our “thankful for” things of the day, then we talk about what we want to pray about and follow that by taking turns praying. Lastly I sing a song that my Mom sang to me and my brothers as we were tucked in at night. It’s to the tune of Alleluia, Alleluia but we sing “Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you…and go on with all the people I can think of who love Samara. Many of you reading this are in her bedtime song each night. Tonight as I was praying I thanked Jesus for loving us and for his presence in us . After I prayed Samara was really quiet for a minute then she said “Do you think Jesus likes to hug my bones?”
“What” was my reply thinking that I’d misunderstood her
“You said Jesus is inside us, does He hug my bones?”
“Well….Honey I bet Jesus loves to hug your bones and your heart, and all of you.”
BIG smile “Jesus loves me, Mommy loves me, Daddy loves me, Noelle Loves me…..”

Lately Samara has discovered a new phrase which she uses any time that she can.  That phrase “no way Jose.”  We’ve been trying to teach he portuguese, and some how she’s come up with Jose?  I don’t know.

Two prayer requests today.  The first is for Noelle to get better.  We just took her to the doctor yesterday after she had a pretty high fever.  The doctor took one look down her throat and nearly jumped when she saw how bad her strep throat was.  She’d on antibiotics now, and should be feeling better soon.

The second prayer request is for Samara.  I was in her bedroom talking with her the other night.  And she explained that she was keeping all the ants that would crawl up her wall at night beside her bed.  “They are my friends” she said.  “I don’t have any other friends besides the ants and my sister.”  The way she said it was so matter-of-fact that it made me laugh.  But at the same time it was kind of sad too.  So if you all could pray that she’d make a little friend, that’d be great!

for more recent pictures check out the pictures and videos page

Yeah, things have changed for us this time around. It takes us longer to get out the door, but shorter to get where we are going. We haven’t had to fight against the inconveniences of leaky roofs, jimmy-rigged stoves and not knowing how to communicate, and we eat a much more balanced diet. However we have become responsible for more things, have had to let our friends here know that we will not be staying in this city, have had to see people that we have poured love into not walking with Jesus, had to learn to balance work and family and have a little girl who is really starting to test her limits. Just yesterday in the car Samara said “Daddy loves me… even when I’m having a hard time. Mommy, I love you… even when you’re having a hard time too.” God is good, and we are thankful that He remains the same.

Pictured here is Andressa holding Samara at dinner last night

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this picture ought to be worth at least one and a half of my group emails.  There’s been a lot of prayer that has surrounded our moving down here to Brazil.  There was the logistics of luggage, bags, transportation, flight schedules and seat assignments; but in my mind all of those prayer requests paled in comparison with the adjustment of our kids (particularly Samara).

Samara was really little when she left Brazil almost a year and a half ago.  Being a VERY verbal little girl, she only remembered a handful of Portuguese words, and we know will struggle to communicate.  Going to Brazil, we knew she’d be leaving not only most of her toys (a very big deal to a 3 year old) but every one she’s ever remembered.  To put it mildly we were concerned for her adjustment.

But all of that was put to rest (but please don’t stop praying) when she got to Andressa’s house.  For some reason Andressa has always had some kind of magic when it came to Samara, even when Samara was a little baby.  Even though they don’t speak the same language right now, Andressa and a few others still hold that same magic for Samara.  In church, Samara grabbed her backpack full of crayons, paper and goldfish crackers to sit with Marlon and Andressa.  Through out the service as Noelle was being passed from person to person Samara was running back and forth between Andressa and Mommy (something that is very Brazilian) only to show us the pictures Marlon was drawing and to get more paper, preferring to sit with them over sitting with us.  Though she doesn’t yet know the language she knows very much that she is loved.  Thanks for your prayers.

1. Arrived at Portland International Airport with 17 bags to check (each packed almost to the 70 pound limit), 4 wheeled carry-ons, two backpacks, 1 computer bag and 1 double stroller
   • Arrived three hours before flight time
   • Though the United ticket agents we all there, no other passengers were
   • We had between 2-3 agents working with us for about 45 minutes to get us all checked in.  They were all very helpful, and even upgraded us to economy plus for our international portion of the trip.  We had also underestimated the number of checked bags by one (we checked 17 instead of the 16 we had thought) and they waived it through telling us not to worry about the excess baggage fee for that last bag
   • Ate lunch and said our farewells to our parents
   • Left on-time to Chicago

1. Arrived in Chicago
   • Had 40 minutes to get a bite to eat
   • Left on-time to Sao Paulo

1. Arrived in Sao Paulo
   • At immigration we were almost immediately directed to the short priority line (only used for airline staff, pregnant ladies and families with small children)
   • The guy who directed to the shorter line, was waiting for us at baggage claim with three of his friends
   • I showed them the yellow MTS Travel Agency bag tags that were on each of our bags
   • They pulled each and every bag off the conveyor belt and loaded them up onto the carts
   • Our trains of 5 baggage carts, lead by Marla and the stroller went through customs
   • We all got into a couple elevators, and went up to check into our domestic flight
   • Our baggage train pulled right up to the counter and we took about 30 minutes to check in
   • From stepping off of our flight, going through immigrations, baggage claim, customs, re-checking our baggage back through security into the waiting area took 1 and a half hours!
2. The flight to Londrina was delayed about an hour
   • The reason they told us from the cockpit was that there were too many heavy bags.  Some of them had to be transferred to another flight
   • All of our bags arrived.  We were greeted at the airport by several people who formed a sort of fireman’s line into the awaiting van.
3. The girls traveled great!  Both Noelle and Samara slept most of the first night, and they made friends with people around us everywhere we were.

Thank you for your prayers.  The whole journey was so much smoother than I had expected.

The girls are now awake and getting started on breakfast… I mean lunch, so I better run.

For the only cause that matters,

M&M

This is us at the Portland Airport infront of all of our bags

Noelle passing the time

*oh yeah, Noelle is really starting to walk now.  To see a little video of her, check out our pictures and videos page.

Wake up to sunshine

Two hours to…

Feed girls

Pack lunches

Gather snacks

Scrounge warm layers

Fill thermos with hot chocolate

Find sleds

Hit the road

Two hours to…

Drive up to Mt Hood’

Pile on the layers

Hike to the hill

One glorious hour of…

Sled rides

Throwing snowballs

Watching spectacular crashes

Enjoying the beauty of the day

Before…

Samara was “fwozen”

Noelle was bleeding (and screaming) from a rogue sled accident

Samara had to go potty

Noelle was hungry

So…

We hauled everyone back to the car

Strapped crying kids into seatbelts

Filled sippy cups with diluted hot chocolate

Rubbed cold toes and hands

Handed out blankies and

Sighed as tuckered out little girls fell into sweet sleep

Two hours…

To drive home

One hour…

To clean up and put everything away

Memories…

That will last forever

I love this stuff

Just a fun old fashioned family Christmas…

for more pictures see the pictures and videos page.

It’s the thoughts of my wife that push me most to find an answer.  It’s the softness of her soul; the creativity of her humor and the purity of her gaze.  Things that I know few others will ever see.  Things that contain such beauty that I think it an absolute shame that others don’t also see.  Like a flower that blooms in absolute perfection that then withers without so much as entertaining one eye or a sunset of stunning colors exploding in the sky that no one beholds.  Like the quiet majesty of a mountain so remote that no climber will ever touch its summit or the intricacies of the smallest snowflake that falls on a mountain side that will melt with no one taking notice.  These thoughts of my wife, along with the thoughts of these other things; things that posses such beauty, push me for an answer.  What is the purpose of it?  What is the purpose of beauty?

As I know there is a Creator, so I believe that beauty was a created thing.  So why, I now ask, was it created if it wasn’t to be enjoyed by all?  After all, we have all seen beauty.  At one time or another, we have all been captured by beauty, caught simply reveling in its perfection.  And as beauty capture us, we try in our own way to capture it right back.  A flower picked and put in a vase.  A photograph taken and displayed on a wall.  A song sung, or a story told that has moved us to tears and was recorded.  These are all ways that we try to hold onto beauty and surround ourselves with it.

When we see things of beauty, often our first reaction is to share it with somebody else.  It is the nudge at your husband’s side, or accordion of pictures each grandparent shamelessly seems to have.  We assume the pinnacle of such sharing to be something that reaches the widest audience.  TV, radio, books, magazines; can all be attempts to translate and transmit beauty.  And in being translated and transmitted, it seems that beauty is used to endorse certain things. And in doing so; in being used or in hiring itself out, we see how beauty can become commercialized or twisted.  So when did the twisting happen?  And returning to the original question, what is the purpose of beauty?

Oh, the purpose of beauty IS to be enjoyed; to be reveled in; to hold captive.  But what I’ve learned recently is that the central purpose of beauty is not particularly for our enjoyment.  The principle reason that beauty exists is not for the created; but for the Creator.  Beauty was not created for the pleasure of the widest audience, but for an audience of One.  It is for Him to enjoy, to revel in and to be held captive.  That we also enjoy these things simply shows; that it is in His image that we were fashioned.  So the beauty of the intricate snowflake, the remote majestic mountain, the sunset and the flower, all have indeed been enjoyed as they were created to be; though not by human eyes.  And in the same way, the softness of her soul, the creativity of her humor, and the purity of her gaze are also fulfilling their created purpose for her Creator.  And I am truly blessed that He lets me share with Him the view; to revel in and be held captive.

“…for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.”  Rev. 4:11

But it didn’t leave, it didn’t go, it just sat in front of me
A lump of goo gone cold made of rice and broccoli.
On my fork, here it came my Daddy’s special “yes bite”
There was nothing left to do but dig in for a long fight.

I reasoned, I explained, I turned my head, I cried
But nothing seemed to change, no matter how hard I tried
“Green eggs and Ham” is what they said trying to get me to open wide
“Sam I am” is what they called me trying to break my pride

They all left, the table cleared, and I sat there by myself
I stared at the goo, and it at me as they started watching “Elf”
Then finally at long last we had a big break through
Mommy said that I could go, if for breakfast I’d eat this goo

Free at last, free at last, my excitement made me spin
I grabbed my dolls, I grabbed my books and finding a chair jumped in
The next morning as the light peeked in, I came up with a plan
I’d tell Mom lunch was better for eating goo that came from a pan

But she didn’t budge, she didn’t buy it, I wasn’t off the hook
The goo was on my breakfast plate and I really couldn’t look
My eyes got red, they filled with tears, I tried to plead my case
Soon the room was empty and my future I glumly faced

How much longer could this go on? It’s time this came to an end
Maybe if I cry loud enough, they’ll give up, they’ll cave in and I’ll win
Three hours later, it’s 11’oclock and I still haven’t taken one bite
I’ve cried, I’ve reasoned, I’ve negotiated and I’m tired of this fight

Then in one last try my Daddy comes walking in
He reaches in the cupboard, and I begin to grin
In his hand is maple syrup, sugary, thick and golden brown
As he gets to my plate, a few delicious drops he puts down

The fork, the goo, and the plate too was covered with sugar so sticky
With tastes so strong, I couldn’t be wrong, it really wasn’t that icky
So remember all you people; grandmas and grandpas, moms and dads
Maple syrup is my secret for anything that might taste bad!

finding the perfect tree

Mommy's helper

decorating fun

bath buddies

When we were in Brazil, about a year into our stay there, Brazil truly did begin to feel like home.  But then just a few weeks ago I commented to Marla that finally Newberg was starting to feel like home once again.  Perhaps it is the consistency of finally having a routine, or perhaps it is getting comfortable with where we are at. What ever the cause, for the first time in a long time, it finally feels like we are home.

Of course having a “home” and actually being there, brings with it all kinds of warm fuzzies, especially around the holidays.  Family traditions, cold weather, hot cocoa and Christmas trees all seem better when we are back in the United States.  And believe you me; we are sure going to enjoy it all while we are here.

But there, nagging in the back of our minds through all of the holiday cheer, are the one-way plane tickets that we purchased to Brazil.  It seems we are eternally leaving home.  It used to be that such trips always brought us back “home.”  Now it feels as if they continually take us from “home.”  These trips are getting increasingly harder to take.  To read more click the link “home…“

With our return tickets for Brazil purchased for Jan 13^th, one thing has become very apparent this week… this move is now for real.  So the race is on with loads of things to do.  There are people that we want to see, and shopping for things on our giant list.  Things that are hard to come by or ridiculously expensive to get in Brazil.  Things like peanut butter, contact solution and sunscreen.  Oh yeah, then throw in the holidays when Aaron will be bringing his girlfriend for a few days and my parents who will be coming the first week of January.  The initial excitement of “yes, we’re going back to Brazil” has yielded to the often overwhelming question of how are we going to pack our whole life up into 12 seventy pound bags? There are other questions too.  Questions like, how are we going to manage 12 seventy pound bags, two girls, two car seats, a stroller and 4 carry-ons in the airport?  What is the best way to prepare two little girls for the biggest transition of their lives? A transition that will include a super long airplane ride, a 50 degree temperature difference and plunging back into a Portuguese speaking world.  I’m very excited that we are going back to Brazil; it’s the getting there that’ll take some extra finesse, patience and hopefully drugs that help little ones sleep for hours sitting up. 

You’d think that I’d be a puddle on the floor about now. But I can say with all sincerity that in the midst of this whirlwind, there is peace in my heart. A peace that doesn’t really make sense with all that’s going on now and all that is to come. But God is faithful and HE is in control.

Anyway, other than all those questions and lists echoing around in my head and the calendar pages flipping way too quickly; I’m doing really great.  Samara and Noelle are so much fun and my days are filled with play-dough, dressing and undressing dollies, reading and doing “pwrojects” which usually consist of some combination of glue, paper, glitter, scissors, stamps, stickers…. Samara LOVES to be “cwreative.”  Noelle, who by the way just turned 9 months old, is trying to walk and as usual is currently trying to eat whatever is within her seemingly 6 foot arm span.  Noelle totally adores Samara who in turn vacillates between love “I wanna hold and hug and kiss Noelle,” and extreme annoyance which usually sounds like “MOOOMMMYYY she’s touching my stuff.” Can’t wait till they’re teenagers.  Please see our prayer request page.

As the sunshine finally broke through the clouds late this morning Samara gleefully exclaimed that it was time to “jump on the trampoline”  Noelle was napping so the two of us headed out armed with Tiggerbear and Amanda (her talking doll) Once on the trampoline, Samara started whining and being bossy and cranky.  I made a comment along the lines of  “Where is my sweet Samara and who is this whiny little girl?” She replied that “Samara went to the moon for FIVE days”  Right now five is a tremendous number in Samara’s little mind.  I proceeded to ask her some questions and our conversation went as follows.

Mommy: “What is Samara doing on the moon?”

Samara: “Visiting her friends Uncle Aaron and Emily and playing”

“What does the moon look like?”

Samara: using her hands “it’s a green box with like stripes on it, but not too big”

 “What does the moon smell like?”

     “Um…good like lotion”

 “What is Samara seeing on the moon?”

      “A big squirrel, he is very nice and we can pet him.

 “Are there other people on the moon?”

       “Yes.”

“What kind of clothes do they wear, what do they look like?”

     “They are PIRATES, very nice ones with pirate clothes. They say aaarrgghhh.”

“What kind of food do you eat on the moon?”

      “ Zucchini, pasta, cheese, tortillas and chocolate”

“Did Samara pack a suitcase to take to the moon and what did she pack in it?”

     “Well, she packed clothes but not to wear.”

“She doesn’t have any clothes on?”

       “She’s wearing the pirate clothes.”

“What other things are there on the moon?”

      “A GREAT big swimming pool, a warm one because there is lots of snow”

“When is Samara coming home, I really miss her?”

       “She’s almost home, only one more day.”

       “ SHE”S BACK!”

Samara jumped into my arms, and hugged me and was “so happy to be back from the moon.” 

I was delighted to have my sweet girl “back” as well.